


Take it out on me

by Elasmosaurus



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Pegging, Porn With Plot, Post-Canon, Reunion spar, Smut, Vaginal Sex, all the feels, canon character death, therapy with Seteth, we beta because Glenn didn't deserve to die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elasmosaurus/pseuds/Elasmosaurus
Summary: The weight of the war and her decisions during it weigh heavily on Byleth. Their respective duties keep her and Felix apart much longer than they would like, and when Felix rides north to assist in the Sreng peace talks she doesn't hear from him for a month. She does, however, receive a suspicious looking present from Sylvain that she shoves under her bed and forgets about.Until a certain stocky redhead shows up in her classroom and she is reunited with her husband who just has to know what's in the box, right?
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	Take it out on me

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning for some pretty intense descriptions of grief and canon character death.
> 
> This was supposed to be "Felix gets pegged by Byleth" but then there was some plot and 18k words later you have this, sorry!
> 
> _The world is on your shoulders  
>  The weight it's crushing me  
> Now we're all getting older  
> Take it out...  
> Take it out on me _

Byleth's eyes fluttered open. A gentle sunlight streamed into the room from their high window. She could see specks of dust dancing in the rays and hear the strong, reassuring rhythm of his heartbeat as her head rested against his chest. The warmth of his skin against hers was  _ right _ , she could feel it in her bones. Quiet birdsong harmonised outside as the hubbub of early monastery life echoed in the corridors. A contented stillness hung in the air.

For a minute, the weight of the war and her failures as a teacher were gone and the world was blissfully peaceful.

Then the tempestuous wave of grief came crashing back down over her. “No” she thought, refusing to drown in the dead. Byleth desperately grasped at her memories for the night Seteth had found her over the unmarked granite gravestone she’d insisted they put in at the edge of the graveyard. Red for the colour of their house. She couldn’t let them be forgotten, but their metaphorical gravestones threatened to pull her under every day. Their faces flashed in her mind unbidden and she was nearly dragged under.

Things were so much easier when she hadn’t really known how to feel.

But that didn’t help her now.

The memory she sought was within her grasp and she gripped it tightly, climbing onto the raft it offered her in the stormy seas of her head. The heavens had opened when she collapsed to her knees under the pressure of dead black wings, her head bowed, tears flowing freely. He must have seen her leave their quarters and followed. She was so lost she hadn’t heard his footsteps approaching and started when a hand settled on her shoulder. She glanced up and her heart fell even more when green eyes met hers with a small smile.  _ Oh _ . She’d hoped to see fierce golden orbs blazing back at her. Seteth’s smile disarmed her regardless. The words tumbled out of her mouth before she’d even known she was speaking.

“It’s all my fault.”

The hand on her shoulder squeezed. The tight smile on his face had grown and there was a softness in his eyes. It wasn’t pity, there was something else.  _ Ah. _ Understanding. He understood. She’d forgotten how much that acknowledgement had buoyed her. Byleth’s memory got a little hazy here. What was it Seteth said when he found her silently crying in front of their monument? When she had blamed herself for everything?

_ We couldn’t have known what Edelgard planned, and regardless - it is done now. _

She’d shaken her head and Seteth silenced her with a hand, imploring her to just listen with a pained look on his face.

_ Although they refused, you asked the Eagles to join you. You met with Edelgard to discuss an end to the war without further death. You gave them a  _ **chance** _ to live, and that is what matters most. I know this is difficult for you, but you did all you could. Focus on your achievements, on those you were able to save. It is difficult sometimes to be the ones still here. I simply ask that you remember what it is you raised your blade for. To survive. For your students to survive. And for the people of Fódlan to survive. _

Byleth brought herself back into the present and pressed her face further into the chiseled chest beneath her cheek. It was not lost on her that Seteth’s words that night had echoed ones she’d once asked of another. Those words had been enough to weather that particular storm, relieving the pressure enough for her to steel herself and keep going. The Eagles were dead and it hurt so badly that sometimes opening her eyes and just living was the hardest task in the world. That she’d had to kill some of them herself - and worse, that she’d asked the Deer and her Lions to kill their friends - was something that caused a crushing feeling in her chest still. She couldn’t breathe. “Claude, Hilda, Lorenz, Lysithea, Marianne, Leonie, Iggy, Raphael, Flayn, Cyril, Annie, Mercie, Ashe, Dedue, Ingrid, Sylvain, Dimitri, Felix. Claude, Hilda, Lorenz, Lysithea, Marianne, Leonie, Iggy, Raphael, Flayn, Cyril, Annie, Mercie, Ashe, Dedue, Ingrid, Sylvain, Dimitri, Felix.” Byleth kept murmuring the names of the students she’d saved until the guilt lifted slightly and she could suck in air without her chest hurting. “Claude, Hilda, Lorenz, Lysithea, Marianne, Leonie, Iggy, Raphael, Flayn, Cyril, Annie, Mercie, Ashe, Dedue, Ingrid, Sylvain, Dimitri.” Byleth paused, taking a deep breath, and finished her ritual by sighing “ _ Felix” _ . She longed to lose herself in the depths of his amber eyes but couldn’t bring herself to wake him. He’d be annoyed she hadn’t, of course, but she settled for looking up at his chiseled face instead, sharp cheekbones mostly concealed behind the inky midnight blue locks cascading over his face and 

their pillows. A small smile crept onto her face as she thought back to how she’d “settled” for being mistaken as his lover when they left the Goddess Tower that night.  _ Saints, everything was so much easier back then _ . But her life was so much better  _ now _ with the band on her finger and the lone wolf by her side.

As Byleth woke up, she started to ache. After last night, Felix’s hair wasn’t the only thing that was a blackish blue. The bruises from their sessions were starting to show.

/

Her duties as Archbishop she’d mostly foisted on Seteth, but he’d insisted she attend Garreg Mach monastery for at least a week each moon. It was a fair amount of time apparently. Huffing, Byleth wondered if Seteth had factored the travel time from Fraldarius territory in his definition of “fair”. Last moon, she finally made it back just in time for the Sreng peace talks to sour. Felix met her in the courtyard as usual, but mounted and prepared to ride to the border as backup at the young Margrave Gautier’s behest. They’d had 10 minutes astride their horses in a courtyard in front of his infantry as he explained the situation, why Gautier needed his help, and how Seteth had already forbidden him from allowing her to join on pain of extending her monastery stays to moon long visits. Everyone saw the normally stoic Duchess scowl that day but most missed the corner of Duke Fraldarius’ mouth curl up in response. She’d stayed long enough to see to estate matters before returning to the monastery early to voice her displeasure. Loudly. With a sword. Training dummies had required repairs when she was done.

In the time that followed, Byleth hadn’t worried about them. She’d trained them herself. Sylvain and Felix were an unstoppable force together. She was a little jealous really, the familiar urge to whet her blade and test her skill had kicked in. She’d known that remaining in Faerghus until the mandated return week would have afforded Seteth a chance to assign her a mountain of work to avoid her ire, if she hadn’t already ridden north instead. At least in Garreg Mach, the temptation to ride out to them was less. And she’d arrived in time to give Seteth an earful, whilst receiving one about “duty” in return. They’d ended it smiling, debating how (in)effective a scowling Felix would be at assisting peace talks, and catching up on the lives of her former students. She knew this gossiping with Seteth was for her benefit. She’d been especially happy to hear Ashe was currently teaching whilst Manuela oversaw the restoration of the Mittlefrank Arnault Opera House. The added name tugged at her familiar guilt. Byleth threw herself into teaching whilst waiting for news that things on the border had improved, convincing herself this was the only reason she kept herself so busy. She was glad to have Ashe as someone who treated her like Byleth, rather than the Archbishop or Professor or Duchess. No news came, although an apologetic letter from Gautier with a parcel “for the longer, sleepless nights - again, I am so, so sorry for stealing him away” had been waiting in her rooms when she arrived. The moon had passed quickly despite her heart always catching when she saw the shock of red hair belonging to the former thief Ashe had convinced the Officer’s Academy to take in alongside his siblings. He was a little too short to be Gautier but from the corner of her eye there was enough resemblance that she’d made the mistake more than once.

That was how he’d been able to fool her for so long yesterday. Byleth was delivering a lecture on lances and swords, covering the different types and their maintenance. Her eyes glanced up at the class whilst demonstrating how to effectively use the sword hilt to deflect a blow without leaving yourself open. She tried to ignore Caspar’s blue eyes staring back at her from his empty space in the front row. The redhead was there, in the far left corner, his usual seat.  _ Calm yourself. There was no news. They aren’t back yet _ .

Except he was also over on the right, in a middle row, when she was going over the best woods to make lances out of. Except...except he was too tall. Except his shoulders were too broad, his arms were too thick, and he was wearing that god awful smile he thought would get him out of everything. Byleth’s eyes narrowed as she closed the distance to Sylvain. He stood up, throwing his hands up behind his head in apology, confirming her suspicions. She realised the lance was still in her hands and spun the wooden end behind his knees. He landed on his back, laughing. The Ashen Demon stood menacingly over him, eyes still narrowed, until his infectious smile caught on. Byleth shook her head. Planting the lance for support, she offered a hand to pull him back to his feet and he dragged her into a hug. The corners of her mouth twitched. Ashe’s light laughter joined from the doorway. She was so caught up in the joyful moment with the red headed oaf she didn’t make the connection. Sylvain pulled away, rolling his eyes at her and tilted his head towards the doorway with a wink. Her eyes widened. Her stomach dropped.

_ Felix. _

_ Saints, he was  _ here _. _

**_Felix._ **

Byleth didn't have a heartbeat, but if she did, she was sure it would have skipped one then. She strode out of the classroom towards the training grounds, one foot in front of the next, each step increasing in speed until she was running. She vaguely heard Ashe and Sylvain rally the students to follow her as she rushed to him. She skidded to a stop in front of the training ground doors, noting the other students who were already seated around the edges chattering about how it was such a treat to see the famous war heroes in action. The ones who had attended her seminar filtered in from behind and Sylvain took a seat in the front next to Dedue and Ingrid, Dimitri noticeably absent. They must have travelled with Felix and Sylvain. Although she was happy to see her friends, why was Dedue here? Who was watching the king’s back?

Byleth took a deep breath before she allowed herself to look at him. Her eyes narrowed disapprovingly. He stood with his right hand on the pommel of a large unsheathed broadsword, left forearm leaning on it for balance. The pose forced his left hip out with his right leg taking no weight, leaning over to talk to Sylvain. Poor form, Fraldarius: a quick swipe at his leg would send him flying. Not to mention how bad it was for the blade.  _ What sort of example are you setting the students!? But oh. Oh no. No no no. _ Those boots that gripped his defined calves and thighs too well still tied a knot in her stomach, made her feel weak, when she saw them.  _ Hips sharp enough to cut glass... _ This position really did emphasise his best features. She noticed his furs, teal coat and overshirt were already off with a pang of disappointment. Helping him with all the buckles was one of her favourite things. Unless she was making him undo them all for her enjoyment. That was better. They were folded neatly on the side, the sword Felix commissioned to commemorate his inheritance of the title Duke Fraldarius lay over the top. She remembered being surprised when the royal swordsmith presented it to him but truthfully commissioning a sword in acceptance of his new role was probably the most Felix thing she could think of. The sight of the crest of flames carved into the sapphire in the pommel on one side, the crest of Fraldarius on the other, was one she'd used to help her escape the moments of unbearable darkness that chased her. Felix's usual high necked, long sleeved black woolen tunic was tight across his chest and his arms and his abs as it hugged the ropes of coiled muscle beneath. She briefly wondered what new scars he’d have to show her when she took it off later. Her breath caught slightly but Byleth shook her head. No. There were more important things to attend to now.

The movement drew his honeyed amber eyes. They flicked up to meet hers, ravaged by a fierce hunger. She was sure it was reflected in her own face. The last time they’d held a reunion spar in public Ingrid had said they looked positively  _ predatory _ . He arched an eyebrow. She steeled herself in response to his question and thrust the lance into a ready position. He smirked and straightened, gripping the sword he’d used to prop himself up. Behind her, she heard noises that were surely Ashe filling the students in on the general rules of their spars. He’d also narrate key points to them. However, her whole attention was on the lithe, athletic form in front of her. He’d been in battle recently. Active practise was always better than sparring. She couldn’t afford to miss anything. For a minute there was silence as they appraised each other and students waited with baited breath to see who would make the first move.  _ Patience _ , she told herself. He’ll get bored and come to you. Advantage Byleth, when she was using a lance rather than sword. She was right. He could be so predictable.

With a flash of metal swinging towards her, Felix made the first move. He’d overextended for sure, opening up his side to an easy attack, but Byleth knew better than to take the bait. It was too obvious. She darted back, circling away.  _ Persistence _ . Stay mostly out of range, flick the lance in towards his face - not a real threat, just a way to keep ground, prevent him advancing. Leave small openings at times - tricking an opponent into overconfidence was an easy win.  _ Patience. _ She flitted around a flurry of strokes, eyes drinking in the way his body moved. This deadly dance they did was intoxicating, their two bodies moving nearly as one in response to the other. It was almost as good as when their bodies did move as one. She saw a shoulder swell, knew it meant a wide but powerful slash. Forearm tense? A wrist flick at the end that she wasn’t meant to anticipate. She always did. Parry with the lance and  _ wait _ . Haste was waste.  _ Patience.  _ Move with him. And there it was - her opening. She jerked the wooden end of the lance towards his front leg, the feint attracting his attention as she instead pulled the blade to rest milimetres from the skin on his neck. He pivoted his low strike up to similarly meet her neck at the same time.

“Par,” Ashe called. They both relaxed and she tossed Sylvain the lance. The battle rush was coursing through their veins now they were warmed up. “Probably shouldn’t spar with live weapons,” she explained, grabbing two wooden training swords from the rack and tossing Felix one. Byleth flashed him a wolfish grin, he returned it, and they were back to sparring. They could be less careful with the other now they wielded wood rather than metal. Blows landed on eachother with the training swords. None were lethal, so they continued their dance. When Felix darted behind her she spun a little too fast to meet him. Felix capitalised on her unsteadiness but her sword parried his away and she pushed him back to gain space. Byleth raised her sword to instigate a high strike, Felix prepared for an over cut. They saw Sylvain murmur something to Dedue with  _ that _ smirk and the couple exchanged a tiny nod.

“Par.” Sylvain doesn’t expect the wooden swords at his throat, two sets of angry eyes boring into his. He can’t believe the daggers at theirs. Hmmm, no, he really can. Of course they'd still try to win their bout whilst threatening him for his perceived slight against them. They didn’t even know what he’d said, he thought with a pout. Probably for the best, or they’d have the daggers against him instead. His mouth pulled into an easy smile as Ingrid laughed at him. The entire Officer’s Academy was abuzz.

“Did you see that!?”

“What just happened?”

“Why’d they go after Lord Sylvain?”

“ _ Where _ did those daggers come from?”

“How’d she get from the high strike on Lord Felix to dagger at his neck and sword at Lord Sylvain’s?”

“He deserved it,” growled Felix.

“Always carry a dagger,” called Ashe, echoing the lesson Byleth had once taught him years ago. It had saved his life in the war.

“Or two” Byleth added, returning her visible dagger to the sheath that hung from her waist. Felix tucked his back into the top of a thigh high boot. _That's_ _new._ Byleth made a note to ask him about it later.

_ Oh well, seeing as the silence is broken...  _ “Again?”

The only response she got was his sword swinging at her face.

By the fourth time Ashe called par, Felix and Byleth were beaming. After the fifth, he stopped commentating for the students. They'd learn enough just watching. Everyone was enthralled. Dodging around the dueling pair wasn’t so bad when you’d fought alongside them before. Ashe managed to dart over to sit next to Dedue with no incidents. He doubted they even realised he was there. Seteth and Flayn had appeared behind the alumni at some point. Sylvain leaned back, turning his face towards the green haired man. “It’s good to see them happy.”

Seteth nodded his agreement. “More than you know, Sylvain.”

At some point Ashe had stopped calling par but they’d barely noticed. There was nothing else in Byleth’s world other than the sword in her hand and the man she loved pushing her harder than she’d been pushed before. She couldn’t think. Pure instinct was driving her. She liked it best that way. Raise an arm to block here. Take an opening to kick his legs out from under him there. Duck under a swing, bring her blade up to meet his skin, have it met by his blade instead. The air might have been a little cooler but she couldn’t tell. Felix charged Byleth to knock her off balance.  _ There. _ It had given her an opening.

Byleth was brought back to reality by the cacophony of cheers that erupted in the training grounds. The sun was low in the sky, hours had obviously passed. The intense fire in Felix’s eyes had died into a smoulder but the beautiful, fierce scowl that graced his features was directed at her. Anyone else would be scared for their life, she was sure. It had been so long since he last lost she'd almost forgotten how warm that pout made her feel. Escapee strands of hair were plastered over his forehead from the sweat and they were both breathing heavily with the exertion. Her face ached from smiling so much. “One up to me?”

He'd known pushing her back might make an opening. Felix decided to take the calculated risk for the chance to show her a new technique he'd learnt fighting alongside the Duscan battalion that joined them at the Sreng border. It hadn’t paid off. But...maybe it had. Felix was so happy to see a genuine smile on her face without a trace of the dead hiding somewhere. He longed to trace the curve of her smile, fingers involuntarily twitching. His heart was so full of love for her he thought it might burst.  _ How did he keep finding ways to love her MORE? _ He forced the dark scowl on to his features to save face and skulked over to his friends for the inevitable ribbing at his loss. A fair price to pay for Byleth’s happiness.

The bells for dinner pealed throughout the monastery. Students and staff alike mobilised towards the dining hall.

“The fighting thing is definitely foreplay” Sylvain muttered to their friends, too low for the students to hear as he pushed himself up to leave. Seteth shot him a look. Flayn was still in earshot, but she was too busy swooning over the real life romance novel in front of her eyes.

“ _ Gautier _ -” Byleth hissed, the warning implied in her stern tone.

Ever the actor, Sylvain’s face fell into an expression of false hurt and outrage, grasping a hand to his heart.

“You  _ wound _ me, Professor!” he mocked. Flayn snorted at Seteth. Ingrid looked shocked as the indignant noise fell from the girl's mouth.

Byleth chuckled. She’d missed the banter, the camaraderie. Missed her friends. “Be _ have, _ Sylvain.”

He laughed, nodded his assent, returned the long forgotten lance to the weapons rack and headed to the dining hall with Seteth, Flayn, Ingrid, Ashe and Dedue in tow.

Byleth arranged for a squire to take Felix’s things to their room and run them a bath before reaching for his hand and joining their friends in the dining hall. It was a pleasant evening full of good food and good company. Conversation flowed easily between them and it wasn’t until she and Felix bid the cohort goodnight that she started to feel the oppressive weight of giving the order for Ashe to shoot Caspar.

They walked in a contented silence back to their rooms, perfectly in step. Felix had noticed the shadow that darkened her features and resolved to do whatever he could to help. He could fight her physical enemies easily. He’d pledged to in his vows. The enemies that plagued her mind, however, were more Seteth's area of expertise. He'd seek the man out tomorrow. For now, they had tonight. He promised himself he would make her forget everything except his name. He needed her desperately and it wasn't entirely selfish because he knew the screams of his name scared off faces lurking in the shadows for a time.

Byleth pushed both doors open in a grand gesture more befitting the warm cedar doors adorned with depictions of Kyphon and Loog and the family crest in their northern sanctuary than the well worn spruce of their academy lodgings, but Felix understood the meaning behind the gesture.  _ Home _ . Home felt good. He followed her over the threshold, closing the doors behind him without looking as his eyes drank in the divine being in front of him. Muscle memory found the lock and turned the key. A small flash of gold light reassured him the quietening spell was activated. Sylvain had recommended it. He could be good for  _ some _ thing at times. He finally dared allow himself to reach out for her. Fingertips barely brushed her hips and he applied a gentle pressure. She pushed her hips back in response. Now he could reach, he gripped them properly to pull her firmly back into him until their bodies collided with a thump. Byleth could feel his breath on her neck as his left arm reached across her stomach to her right hip, his right arm snaking up to cover her chest. Hands in place, Felix leant back against the door and squeezed. They both melted into each other's warmth with a sigh, tense muscles relaxing into the embrace. He was grateful for the door propping him up. Byleth offered her neck and Felix traced his nose up along its length, then down her jawline before burying his face in her neck, showering chaste kisses on alabaster skin. Felix's heart ached, willing the moment never to end. Her scent - a mix of lilies, orange blossom, blade oil and leather - was accentuated by the sharp tang of sweat from their sparring. The deep heat of longing started to stir within him but all he wanted to do at that moment was  _ hold _ her, the need for intimacy shocking him. He placed a longer kiss on her pulse, lips lingering as he committed every part of this to memory. Time spent distanced was hard, but the reunions were so, so sweet. This one would definitely get him through some cold, lonely nights without her. Her smile when he’d lost...he whimpered, needed to feel her hair in his fingers. Felix relaxed his vice grip on Byleth and drew his face back. It was wet and she sagged without the support. A gentle frown pulled his eyebrows together, his jaw set as he pulled her round to face him. The tear tracks on her face glistened in the candlelight. She looked so fragile - a far cry from the vengant angel on the battlefield, the deadly predator on the training grounds. His hand wiped away a tear and brushed her hair behind her ear.

"How bad?" he whispered. She didn't need to answer, her eyes said it all. The emptiness he'd once seen in Dimitri's was there, but none of the chilling wildness that had turned him into the savage boar. Hers held fear - a fear of drowning, she’d explained.  _ Why did the dead insist on haunting those most important to him? _ He nodded his understanding. The hand by her ear was now on the back of her neck, gripped in her hair, pulling her into a tight hug. Byleth buried her face in his chest as the sobs wracked her body. He rested his chin on her head, knuckles rubbing small circles in her lower back.

“You  _ tell _ me next time,” he growled. “I need to know. As soon as it happens. You write, or you come and grab me, or you wake me up.” The anger in his voice covered the hopelessness he felt at how little he could do. Seteth better have some miracle cure for him tomorrow or he’d be down some sparring dummies.

Felix’s voice vibrated through her cheek. Byleth just nodded, sobs still starving her of words. He had an idea that might give her back her voice. The hand in her hair released, tracing her jawline to gently lift her chin until she was looking up at him. Felix kissed up the tear tracks on both sides of her face, pausing to rest their foreheads together, before pressing his lips to hers. He poured everything he felt for her into the kiss, willing it to be enough.  _ I’m here. I’ve got you. I love you _ . Her sobs subsided as she kissed him back. He hummed, reaching his other hand to undo the fastenings on her dress robes. His hand left her chin as he pushed it off her shoulders, over her chest and onto the floor. He lifted her up onto his hips without breaking the kiss and strode towards their bathroom. She locked her ankles behind him to make carrying her easier until he set her on the side of the bath. Felix ran his hands down her bare back, along her hips, trailing her legs to press on her knees. She dutifully released him and he wrapped her arms around his neck before going to remove her trousers. She lifted her hips to make it easier for him. Once she was unclothed he swept her into his arms to lower her into the bath. Still the perfect temperature thanks to the wonders of magic. Byleth sighed, eyes closed, relaxing into the water whilst Felix stripped unceremoniously. “Join me,” she called.  _ Oh, that voice. _ It had worked. He happily complied by climbing in to sit behind her.

“Sore?” he asked, leaning over to grab a small vial of oil. He poured it on his hands, rubbed them together to remove the chill and began working out the knots in her shoulders.

“No,” she reassured him. “My neck’s stiff though. I slept poorly on it.”

He pressed one last kiss against it to murmur “your wish is my command” in her ear. Deft fingers applied light pressure in circles on all the usual places she felt tense. Where fingers weren’t enough he used the palm of his hand. The release it gave her made her muscles feel weightless. It would be impossible for her to drown under the eagles like this. She sighed contentedly.

“Your turn.” He nodded and passed her the vial. Twisting so they both faced the other way had been rather awkward. Both of them nearly fell on multiple occasions and the comedic value made the room ring with their laughter.  _ Goddess, just being around him blew away the storm clouds.  _ Once safely settled, she gave him a similar treatment to the one he’d given her, but paid more attention to massaging his arms, working the tension out of his hands. Because she knew Gautier ignored them when they did this for each other after battle. She’d felt the twinge of a new emotion (jealousy, Hilda had reliably informed her) when she first discovered that information, but Felix had just smiled wolfishly as he said “you’re better,” leaning in to press a particularly heady kiss on her lips that made her forget why her heart was tugging at the time. In hindsight, it did make sense, she  _ supposed _ , and she’d hate for either of them to be permanently injured when a simple light pressure could remove the problem. Sylvain was a good friend to them both really.

Sloshing returned her thoughts to the present and she was greeted to the sight of water rolling off his body. The heat it incited in her spread across her face. Flayn once lent Byleth some of the romance novels Claude had snuck her. Descriptions of the men in them had been nigh on god like. None compared to the sight of the adonis before her. Candlelight added a warm yellow glow to his pale skin and cast shadows on the relief of his toned, muscular body. Felix was all angles and sharp edges normally but the darkness emphasised them deliciously. The pattern it created drew her eyes from that haughty neck, past the part he whimpered when she sucked, to his prominent collar bones, the dip in between she lived to press kisses into, along the torso covered in scars, new ones she had yet to trace with her tongue, down the v of his waist and the prominent hip bones that usually left her bruised, to her thick prize already half hard. He was stunning to look at. “-Byleth?” His voice drew her out of her reverie and she saw his hand was outstretched, palm up, wordlessly asking her to join him. She took it and followed him to fall into their bed in each other’s arms.

A green bob, longer locks tied back with a white ribbon and dozy, lidded eyes in an innocent face swam into her mind unbidden. She felt her body betray her as keenly as her mind had, closing off from the exquisite feeling of skin on skin, Felix’s shoulder and back pressing into her inner thigh, right arm hooked around it to hold her in place with pressure on her hip. He’d noticed, the pressure had lifted, but that was the opposite of what she wanted. She wanted him to consume her, take over her mind, to lose herself in him - no, she needed to lose herself in him. She  _ needed _ to lose herself in him. To let go of the control she had to bear as master tactician, to not make any decisions and be somebody else’s pawn for once. With a needy whine, Byleth tapped two fingers against the elbow of the arm that snaked the lightest touch of two fingers torturously slowly up the inside of her calf, over and across her knee to finish tracing up her outer thigh.  _ Tease _ . His touch burned. Eyes following the lazy path of his hand snapped up to meet hers at the tap. His hand left her leg as he stalked up the bed to press a fist into the bed next to her face, arm locked to support his weight as he loomed over her, eyes locking hers, desire and softness hiding behind the concerned frown, raised eyebrow questioning if she was sure. Byleth took a deep breath, holding his gaze. She gripped the forearm of the arm holding his chest much too far from hers, steeling herself for what would happen when she repeated the gesture. Two taps again on his elbow as she consented to the shield of Faerghus shielding her from her demons. “You know what to say if it’s too much,” was his breathy reply in her ear. His face was above hers again and that predatory look was back, hot whiskey eyes positively  _ famished _ . Hard lips crashed against hers hungrily as he devoured her. The hand still on her hip forced their bodies together as he snapped his hips into hers, desperate to feel her body beneath his. Byleth broke the kiss to gasp for air and Felix used the opportunity to find something, anything to tie her down with. His hand searched under the bed feeling only a box and her usual night dress.  _ It’ll do _ . He sat up, straddling her stomach as he tore the dress into strips that bound her hands to the bedposts. He set back to teasing, pulling her hair, biting her skin, licking and sucking and stroking all the places he knew drove her insane. Building her up without allowing her to tip over the edge. When he was sure she was ready for him he used a hand to guide himself to her entrance and pushed in, ever so softly, ever so slowly, savouring every inch of her tight heat around him. He pressed his forehead against hers and bathed in the intimate moment as his persona slipped, before donning the mask again. She needed this from him and Goddess, if seeing her come undone beneath him didn’t release the base animalistic part of him. He snarled in her ear as he drew all the way back until just the tip was in her, holding still for a second, before crashing himself back into her. It was rough and hard as Felix took from her the pleasure they both needed but it made her feel alive as her brain fogged to everything except his name and his body.

She frowned as the name fell from his lips in a pleasurable moan, flinching as if she’d been slapped. He’d taken the twitch as a sign he’d done something right, growled with desire and thrust into her, hard, once, twice, a third time and held them together as they both peaked - her completely out of nowhere - release washing over them in waves. Her head fell back as she arched her body, seeing stars as a deep recess of her mind nudged a reminder that the name he’d moaned was, in fact, hers.

Byleth fondly traced the bruise Felix had bitten into her hip as she basked in the morning sunlight. After they’d both come down from their heady high, he’d held her tightly in his arms at her request. She’d complained when he got up but he insisted on caring for her properly after. He’d used the washbasin to clean her off, worshipping her body with kisses and whispered adorations as they reconnected as husband and wife, “I love you” _ ’ _ s and “you did so well for me”’s and “I’ve got you”’s pressed into her skin. She’d snuck a hand up to pull out his hair tie and watch the ink tumble across his shoulders. He was usually bratty about that but basking in the glow of their session, he’d been amenable this once. A blissfully dreamless night followed.

Byleth swung her legs over their cot. The chill of stone underfoot chased away the last remnants of sleep. A bath would help with the aches, but she reasoned it was still early enough for her to avoid almost everyone else if she darted to the dining room to grab breakfast. She really didn’t have the energy to talk to anyone and was much too preoccupied with the scene from the previous night replaying in her mind. In one of the few moments of coherent consciousness she’d endured during the bliss of him above her, she’d seen him make  _ the face _ . At the time she’d been panting heavily, his name escaping from her keening lips, completely consumed by him as she came undone. He loved it when she was well and truly fucked and  _ the face _ told her how enjoyable it was. Byleth wondered briefly how Felix would look falling to pieces underneath her. How  _ the face _ would look on hers. She shook her head to chase the image out of her mind for now and threw on enough clothes to be decent. Food beckoned.

“Byleth.” It was earlier than she’d realised and her mission to avoid people on her scavenging trip was more successful than she’d expected. She hadn’t even had to speak to the servers, offering only a nod in appreciation for their quick work wrapping the assortment of goodies she'd heaped in front of them.  _ I could pretend I didn’t hear.  _ Her rooms were just around the corner and down the hall. She was too close to fail now. 

“Byleth?” Seteth’s voice came from somewhere behind her, louder now. She visibly deflated, head hanging back in defeat as she stopped. He quickly caught up to her, gesturing with an arm to join him in an adjacent room. Byleth wished her looks were as deadly as her sword as she huffed, rolled her eyes and obliged, dragging her feet.

“What?” she spat, earning a low chuckle from Seteth. Her murderous look intensified. She’d have crossed her arms too if they hadn’t been full of the food she’d snuck from the dining hall for their breakfast. And lunch. She was going to spend as much of the day as she could holed up in their room. Unconsciously, she waited for her chest to tighten at the thought of the sweet recluse with so much promise but the crushing never came.

“I sometimes feel like Felix has matured beyond words since his time at the academy, but you have regressed into his old caustic attitude. It is most amusing.”

Byleth breathed in deeply through her nose, exhaling through her mouth to dispel her annoyance. She knew she was being bratty and he didn’t deserve it. This was exactly why she didn’t want to be around people right now. “Sorry. I -”

“Please, you have no need to apologise. I am aware you would not have the energy to be around others after such an emotional evening. I wished to inform you that you are relieved of your classes for the day. I’ll be taking over your teaching duties. Make the most of your time.”

Byleth was so grateful she thought she might start crying. The look was clear on her face. Seteth gave her a friendly smile and steered her back towards the door as he opened it for her.

“Before you go, there is one thing I must ask of the both of you. I was unable to get you out of a meeting this afternoon. Your presence will be required in the Knight’s Hall by the sixth bell. Additionally, Felix has a keen insight, I wish for his thoughts on an important matter. Have him meet me in my chambers when you attend your meeting. This is mandatory.”

It was an easy compromise for the promise of a day together. She nodded and rushed back, desperate to share the news with her sleeping beauty. Byleth even called him that as she gently shook him awake. He huffed at her, half asleep as his brain processed the words. She knew when he had, because he sat bolt upright, pulled her into his chest and glared up at her. “Don’t call me that,” he snapped. Byleth unlaced her trousers and stepped out of them, earning a raised eyebrow. She braced a knee on the bed as she swung her other leg over to straddle him, ignoring his fierce eyes. She hooked an arm around his neck for purchase and reached over to the table to choose the first part of his breakfast, arching her back to force her ample chest into his face. He purposefully stared at the wall instead, a frown pulling his eyebrows together. Byleth selected a hardboiled egg, taking a bite before offering it to him. He continued to assert his annoyance by biting her fingers as he took the egg from her. She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the spread she’d acquired, hovering her free hand over different items indecisively. Felix was paying attention now, clearly as hungry as she was. She noticed him tense beneath her when her fingers were above the still warm bacon. A wry smile pulled at her face as she picked up some slices of apple instead. He gave her a blank stare to rival one of her own as she fed it to him, but he didn’t bite her fingers this time, and she let them linger on his irresistible lips. “Ready to be nice?” she taunted.

He kept the blank stare. It was safest that way.

She took his silence as a peace offering. “What should I call you instead? If sleeping beauty is out of the question,” she purred, finally feeding them both the bacon.

“How about my damned name?” he huffed once he’d finished chewing.

Byleth sat down into his lap as she made a show of thinking about it. She felt Felix respond beneath her. “Hmmmmm, no, I don’t think that will work.”

“I’m sorry my name displeases you,  _ archbishop,” _ he purred back. Felix could play this game too. But Byleth skipped past the dig.

“Ah, I’ve got it.”

“Oh?” he questioned, one eyebrow raised.

“ _ Husband, _ ” she cooed at him, pulling his face in until their lips met passionately.

He groaned into the kiss. “You know what that does to me.”

“I couldn’t  _ possibly _ have any idea what you’re talking about.” Her eyes were wide and full of a false innocence but he didn’t care. She was gently rocking her hips into his and the friction was maddening. Their lips brushed as she offered him a grape with her teeth. It was much too sweet for his liking but at that point he’d eat all the peach fucking sorbet in the monastery to feel those lips against his again.

Byleth couldn’t quite believe he’d eaten the grape without a grimace.  _ How far can I push this? _ She used the excuse of leaning back to apply extra pressure against his crotch as she swiped bite size chunks of meat and cheese. He definitely twitched, rising to press against the curve of her cheeks. His arms were tense and she knew it was taking a lot from him not to touch her. Byleth wanted to melt it, but she still admired his resolve. As she sat back up, she spread her knees further apart to get more friction as he was fully hard. Much better. Rolling her hips now teased her deliciously. She could feel the longing heat start to build in her stomach. The hand using his neck to balance threaded fingers in his hair to pull his head all the way back. Byleth couldn’t resist pressing a kiss into his exposed neck, sucking gently on the skin. The low moan said he’d liked it too. She balanced a scrap of meat on his closed lips and kissed it off of them. The feel of his lips on hers was like the air when you just dodged a bolt of thoron or lightning, charged with energy. She loosened her grip on his hair and pressed a tender kiss into his forehead. When Byleth brought the hand with the morsels up to his face, Felix knew he loved her too much. She could completely dismantle his pride. He would eat from her hand, gladly, to be close to her. But he’d take care of her first. Instead of eating, he kissed her wrist and fingertips before nabbing a crumbled piece of hard cheese between his teeth. Eyes closed, he sought her lips until she met his. Byleth could feel the smile on his lips, his probing tongue forcing hers apart. She parted them, surprised when he pushed the cheese into her mouth, but swallowing dutifully regardless. He kissed and gently nipped at her offered hand as he picked off the remnants of their breakfast. Pushing him gently back for space, she pulled her top off over her head. A small smile formed on Felix’s face. His eyes followed the line of the lifting shirt as it exposed her breasts. One hand went up to gently tweak at her nipples. She pushed into his touch as it sent a shudder through her body. Her slick was definitely spilling onto her legs now.

Keeping her back arched, she placed a scrap of jerky along her collarbone. Her eyes darted from the jerky to his lips and back, before meeting his gaze. Felix’s mouth was slightly open, staring intently at where her fingers traced in circles beneath her clavicle. Rather than go straight for it, he ran his tongue along the bone, a deft flick scooping the jerky into his mouth.  _ If only she could get him to repeat the motion somewhere lower _ . His hands came up to grab her wrists before she could place any more food on her body.

“No more games,” he whispered against her lips. She seemed to think about it for a beat, then relented. “No more games,” she agreed. Felix released her arms and traced his fingertips lightly up and down her sides. Byleth put a firm hand on his chest and pushed him back onto the bed. She wriggled her hips back until she was in a better position and raised herself above his erection. The anticipation sent a shiver down her spine.

Byleth slowly started to sink down onto him, then stopped. She hastily sucked in her breath with a hiss, holding for a few seconds before exhaling. He’d always made her feel so full when they shared themselves but this was something else. The sensation was overwhelming.

“ _ Seiros _ , did you get  _ thicker _ ?” Felix was barely halfway in, one hand stroking her hip, the other on her ribs. He was splitting her apart. She used a hand against his chest to brace herself.

“Overnight? Definitely not,” he chuckled. The vibrations made him move inside her and she keened from the sensation. Golden eyes full of love and lust met hers, an adoring smile on his face, raised eyebrow accentuating the hint of concern in his voice. “We went pretty hard last night, By.”

“So?” He rolled his eyes at her lack of understanding. She was usually sharper than this. Granted, he also found it difficult to make his brain work with her on top of him, but that was no excuse for idiocy.

“So the  _ sensible _ conclusion is you might be a little swollen. We don’t have to, if you’re not up to it. I’m more than happy just to hold you. Or, if you  _ insist _ , to pleasure you in other ways,” he said with a salacious wink. Byleth resolved to punch Sylvain when she next saw him.

“I just need a minute,” she muttered through gritted teeth. She felt so tight around him. Felix finally tore his eyes away from the radiant divine being above him, looked up and saw the strength of the sunlight in the room.  _ Fuck. _ Lessons would start soon. His face fell.

“As much as I want to oblige you, love, I’m not sure we have time. Don’t you have, ah,  _ brats _ to teach?” He cradled her face in his hand. “We should probably get you dressed again. This will not help you get dressed.”

Byleth had forgotten to tell him because of his attitude earlier. She beamed down at him, bringing her mouth right down to his ear.

“Ah, but sleeping beauty - oh, I’m sorry,  _ husband _ \- that’s what I was to tell you when I woke you. We have all day. Or until the sixth bell, anyway, when we’ll be in meetings. Yours is with Seteth. So I intend to remain  _ un _ dressed up to the fourth bell  _ at least _ ,” she whispered breathily. He gently kissed her jaw but she felt him harden further at her words, forgetting his earlier irritation at the name. He reached up to his mouth to wet a thumb and brought it to her nipple, tracing circles interrupted by an occasional tweak shooting a pleasurable sensation into her groin. Byleth moaned deeply when his mouth found her other nipple. The tip of his tongue flitted over it teasingly before pressing the flat of his tongue against it and licking. She rocked her hips slowly in response, managing to settle a little deeper into his lap. Goaded on, he paused to take a breath before turning his attention to her other nipple, kissing along her chest to find his target. Felix placed an open mouthed kiss on the pink flesh that contrasted her pale skin, a gentle suck he interrupted by curling his tongue around it as she hardened beneath his attention. He could feel her getting more slick around him, her breath quickening as she relaxed, able to take more of him in her. When she bottomed out, her breaths coming in shallow pants, he sucked gently on her neck, lavishing it in kisses, breathing in her scent mixed with his. The sight and sound and feel of her, of them, was dizzying. He felt drunk. Felix lazily stroked circles in her lower back as he waited for her to adjust and tried to sober up. Time had no meaning when they were connected. He didn’t know if seconds or days had passed when Byleth pulled his lips to meet hers and hummed “I’ve got you.” His hands explored the skin of her torso, enjoying how her breath caught as his calloused fingertips brushed sensitive places until he brought them to rest on her hips. With his hands in place, she pressed his chest gently back into the mattress and set to work pushing her hips forward until he was barely still inside her, whimpering at the loss, then sliding down his girth until he filled her. Something about the shape of him felt fantastic and a litany of incoherent gratifying sounds fell from her mouth. He let her set the pace, moving gently with her when he was more confident thrusting into her would only add to her pleasure. Felix didn’t know where to look as he and his wife made love. She was so expressive now, her mouth falling open, eyebrows coming together, the bite of a lip all signs of how she was building the warm pool of need in her stomach as she came closer to the precipice. Felix was breathing heavily as his eyes flicked between her face, her writhing body or the sinfully alluring sight of her taking him in her. Byleth’s breathing became more erratic and Felix knew she was close. He sucked on a thumb seductively and pressed the wet digit on her clit, drawing a wanton moan from both of them. He teased it in wet circles and felt her clench on him as she got closer, closer, closer until it was too much for both of them. This gentle, loving experience was a far cry from their desperate need the previous night but they enjoyed it just as much, backs arching them deeper into each other as they came.

/

Spending the day dozing in and out of consciousness was very disorientating. At some point they’d finished the offerings Byleth brought from the dining hall earlier. The second bell had definitely rung, but how long ago they weren’t sure. Byleth lay on her front with her chin resting on his chest as she just stared at his face, tracing his sharp cheekbones with one hand. Felix had an arm under his head to support it, the other on the small of her back. They were both basking in the glow of the other’s presence, their love, and a powerful post-orgasm haze.  _ Fuck _ , Felix thought as he let his head flop back to the bed. Byleth raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him, but he just kissed her forehead and rolled out of bed.

“Hmph” she sulked, maneuvering onto her side to watch him. He shot her a look as he filled her kettle and put it over the small fire to boil. Then he was rummaging through her drawers, looking for something he evidently found as he closed his fist around a small bag of leaves.  _ Oh _ . They’d forgotten until that point. The tea conversation disaster was how they’d ended up with a tap system to communicate in the first place. As adorable as it was to watch him struggle to find the words to talk about important topics, they’d lost three precious hours of time to Felix huffing, running his hands through his hair, pinching his nose, opening and closing his mouth, hanging his head in his hands, sighing, sulking in the corner and pacing whilst he tried to find the words to open the conversation about children. They agreed two things that day. The first was that if one of them wanted to talk about something serious or difficult, they could tap the wrist of their partner with a single finger and the other would be ready to listen and discuss the topic without judgement. The second was that children would have to wait until they were more settled, until they could spend more time together than apart. Mercie had suggested the tea when Byleth brought it up and Hilda had sworn by it. The tap system was also used for the other things that were easier to ask for without words. She’d used the wrist tap to open the conversation where she confessed how hard being in charge was for her sometimes. How she needed to let go of that control. He’d seen how difficult saying the words was for her and had suggested the two finger elbow tap to ask for it instead. They had of course agreed on a safe  _ word _ due to the practicalities of a safe  _ gesture _ if she was bound. At the time, she’d felt the rush of love she experienced when he seemed to know her better than herself. The system worked well for two people usually of few words.

Felix presented Byleth with the tea, sitting next to her on the cot. He leaned his chest against her back, craving the intimacy of skin on skin. She sipped at the hot drink as he nuzzled at her neck, enjoying a quiet moment together. A thought from the previous evening came back to him.

“What’s in the box under the bed?” he asked. She grimaced.

“Sylvain sent it for me with an apology letter when he stole you to Sreng. Said it was for the ‘longer, sleepless nights.’ I didn’t dare open it.”

“Wise,” Felix quipped, but his face didn’t match the conviction of his voice.

“You want to open it, don’t you?” Byleth groaned.

“Just so I know if we have to kill him.” She shook her head at the pair of them and reached under the bed. The offending parcel was placed on his lap whilst she finished her tea. He stared at it like a coiled snake, poised to bite. She shot him her best unamused impression, earning an eye roll in response.

“It was for you. You have to open it.”

Now the burden was on her, she understood Felix’s reluctance. With the message he’d written and the fact that this ‘present’ was from Sylvain Jose Gautier, it could only be one of a few things. She hoped she was overreacting and it was a painting of Felix. That would help her get through the long, sleepless nights. She wasn’t convincing herself.  _ Oh gods _ . It was probably a picture of  _ him _ , as a joke, and Felix would have  _ words _ if it was. The sort of words that would leave Sylvain in need of a healer to fix his nose. Overthinking was making it worse. Her hands shook as she loosened the leather bindings holding the box shut. Time stretched impossibly as they fell away. She watched as her hands moved unbidden to open the lid, traitors not under her control revealing a toy for self pleasure nestled atop a harness in the silken interior. Byleth felt the tension in the room and slowly raised her eyes to gauge Felix’s reaction, unsure of how he would take this gift. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, eyes trained on the contents of the box.  _ Am I imagining the low embers of desire in his eyes? _

The energy in the air around them made the hairs on Felix's arms stand up like they did when he narrowly dodged a thunder spell. This was a spar. He had no idea when or how it had turned into one but competition ignited the space between them.  _ The gift was highly inappropriate _ briefly flitted through his mind, but it was gone in a second, unimportant. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the corded rope and silk laced together underneath the magical device. 

“Felix?” Her voice was tentative. It took a lot of effort to push aside the need to fight coursing through his veins but he did. Ignoring things was one of his specialities, he pretended it was like that. Just ignore the fucking dildo Sylvain had purchased for  _ his wife _ and the harness beneath it and whatever Sothis forsaken intentions the red headed menace had when acquiring this. A faint flicker of anger sparked inside him and he gripped the familiar feeling, shielding other emotions behind it. He was disarmed when her finger found his wrist and tapped once. With a nod, he acknowledged her request and waited for her to speak, a seething mass of emotions writhing within him.

"You have a face" she began, pausing as she searched for her words. Felix choked his snort of derision - it was unwelcome in the safe talking space the tap demanded - but couldn't stop himself shooting her the stare normally reserved for when another said something truly idiotic. Her face hung prepared to make the noise of a ‘w’ for a good few minutes. She wasn’t looking at him. Concerned he’d put her off, he tapped her wrist to encourage her to continue.

“W-w-when...when...Fuck.” A deep breath to steel herself, then “when I ask you to help me and you consume me, dismantle me, repair me...you have a face. That you make.  _ The _ face.”

Felix raised an eyebrow at her but she noticed his eyes were blown and the thin ring of visible copper was smouldering. “It’s the enjoyment you get from making me come apart. I want that for myself. To make you feel that good. I...I want to fuck you, Felix. If you want to.”

For someone usually so discerning, he was taking a long time to process her words and the intention behind them. It felt like hours before he responded, but she hadn’t heard any bells. He reached out a hand to her face and brought it to his, lips meeting hers gently. Sweetly.  _ Had she misread the signs?  _ Byleth was more than a little disappointed. As they kissed, his fingers traced down her neck, along her clavicle, across her shoulder, down to her elbow where he tapped. Twice. With two fingers.

Byleth tensed. For a second, neither of them moved. The small space between them became unbearable and they snapped into action. Felix deepened the kiss, hungrily moving his lips against hers. She pressed her chest into his, wanting to feel every inch of his skin. Touching burned but she couldn’t stop. Her hands were magnetised to his back, tracing the lines of muscles and the welts of old scars, occasionally adding nail marks that might leave their own. He had so few on his back - his perceptiveness meant it was rare danger didn’t face his front. The shiny patches of old injuries made her throb in anticipation and she shoved him back onto the bed, falling on top of him. Felix hmph’d when she left his lips but his breath caught as she ran her tongue over the scar that bit into his right forearm. He tasted delicious. She couldn’t get enough. Dragging her nose across his skin, she sought out another scar to trace, mapping them all with deft licks, reminders of all the times he’d been the strongest, bested another (and that made her feel weak in a different way), following them down his torso to where his hard cock was resting against her chest. He was leaking precum against her. Byleth clenched her jaw to prevent herself derailing her ultimate prize by sucking the life out of him. She whimpered at the thought, her breath hot against his groin and he twitched in response.

“By-” Felix implored, want heavy in his voice. If she didn’t didn’t distract them both soon, he’d end up inside her rather than the other way round. It was very tempting. She quivered involuntarily, shook her head and kissed along his hip bones, darting a tongue out to lick before biting down, hard. A sharp intake of breath punctuated by a breathy moan fell from his lips. Byleth nipped and kissed lower along Felix's inner thigh, ignoring the longing to take him in her mouth. A particularly vicious bite helped quell her need to lick up his length.  _ That one's going to bruise _ . She felt a weird sense of pride that he'd be wearing this illicit souvenir of their time together for the days to come. She finally  _ understood _ why he enjoyed marking her so much. His breathing was erratic as she licked his skin, moving further down until she pressed her tongue lower than any  _ good _ girl should go.

Felix's breath caught in his throat as his hands flew into her hair and pulled, hard, encouraging her down again. He felt her smile into his skin and she ran her tongue in lazy circles to get him wet for her. Occasionally she'd apply the pressure again, gently probing, exploring him. Felix was scratching her head and squirming beneath her and she needed to know what he looked like. Byleth gave him one last, long lick up, applying extra pressure on the patch of hairless skin, tracing the line between his balls lightly with her tongue. She stopped when the line did and breathed heavily on him. The embers she normally saw burning in his eyes were alight in hers. 

"Tease," the animalistic growl fell from his throat. There was a threat in it too.  _ Stop _ . But he didn't mean it. She let out a knowing chuckle, eyes boring into his as she kneeled between his legs, raising her index finger to her mouth and sucked on it gratuitously. Felix drank in the sight of her, not daring to touch for fear of breaking the self control keeping him from dragging her bodily onto his desperate cock. Or forcing her head down to repeat the bobbing movements she was acting out for him. He was so engrossed by her playing with her finger instead of him that he missed when she started playing with herself. The catch in her breath alerted him to the fingers that played with her clit, slow circles aided with her slick when she dipped them inside her and involuntarily bucked her hips. He licked his lips - he trusted himself to help her with this - and curled up to reach. Byleth took the finger out her mouth and slapped his away.

"No. Down.  _ Watch _ ."

A whine left Felix's lips as he complied.  _ Fuck. _ He was so stupidly sexy she'd gotten distracted and she couldn't stop. Him lying beneath her, obedient and pliant and the  _ noises _ he was making were driving her crazy. She'd only meant to take the edge off so she could focus on him, but as soon as her fingers brushed her hard nub she'd realised she was wound up too tight from the mere thought of what she was going to do to him.  _ Fuck. _ Her fingers sped up, switching between quick circles on her clit and thrusting fingers inside herself, she was so wet she could hear it, the finger she was preparing for him forgotten, the fingers inside her weren't though, her fingers were infuriatingly hard to forget, they weren't doing it for her,  _ they aren't as big as he is, fuck, Sothis I need this, I need more, I need him, he's so fucking pretty, Fuck, Felix, Fe-LIX _ . The heat of his eyes on her was too much and she came, hard, on her fingers. Byleth's shaking shoulders slumped forward with a silent scream on her face as she rode out the waves of pleasure. She kneeled there, hunched over, fingers still buried inside her, until she stopped shaking and her mind could focus again. The fingers slipped out of her were wiped against the sheet whilst she bent forwards to place a tender kiss on his stomach. Instead of the usual haze, she had complete clarity. Her index finger was back in her mouth, licked sloppily until it was covered with her saliva. She raised her eyes to meet his whilst positioning her finger.

His eyes met hers, softer this time, and he blushed furiously. Felix turned his head sharply to the right and squeezed his eyes shut, cutting off contact. Byleth was patient, she knew he just needed time. He took a deep breath and jerked his head in response to her unasked question as the pink tint spread to his chest. He missed her smile as she gently, slowly, pushed into him up to the first knuckle and waited. He was gripping her tightly. Byleth sighed gently, he’d never enjoy it like this and she was concerned about hurting him. She ran her free hand from his knee down his thigh to rest on his hip. She rubbed soothing circles into the flesh there and leaned forwards to decorate his stomach and chest in soft, quick kisses. “Breathe,” she reminded him. Felix hadn’t realised he was holding his breath but he mirrored hers and it helped. The finger felt good, but he was so wired from watching her cum that he was clenching even though he didn’t want to.

“Relax, Felix. You can’t enjoy it if you’re so tense,” Byleth murmured into his skin. Her lips were so soothing. He forced himself to focus on her, how her lips felt against him, the whispered devotions against his skin, her love for him, how he wanted to give her what she wanted, and the nagging part of him that wanted it anyway. She felt him loosen and tentatively pushed the rest of her finger in all the way to the knuckle. Felix moaned, loudly, and she couldn’t keep the smirk from her face. “See? You do want it. Help me out here, gorgeous.”

“I’m trying” he spat at her, and she just tsked in response. That smirk was infuriating. It pushed out her bottom lip and he wanted to bite it, hard, draw blood to get rid of it. He moved up to meet her lips too, then she  _ fucking moved _ . Felix was frozen in place, trying to remember how to breathe. You inhaled air then exhaled it out. Something like that. He focused on breathing, in and out, mimicking the movement of her finger inside him. He fell back against the mattress as she got him accustomed to one finger, fucking him slowly, pressing down to stretch him. His breath came in shallow pants as she sped up. His chest was still flush, now from arousal, and he realised one wasn’t enough. He could take more, he wanted more.

“By - ” she was already nodding before he could finish. Slow again, a second finger joined the first and Felix’s back arched. He reminded himself to relax, his tightness now fuelled by desire and a need to feel more full. Getting two fingers hilted inside him is easier than the first was, but there’s more friction now. Initially, it adds to the experience but soon the hisses of breath aren’t completely pleasurable. He doesn’t need to tell her, she removes her fingers and presses lips to his, foreheads resting together.

“I’m sorry my love.” It’s an admittance of defeat. He won’t accept it. Felix’s brain races, wishing for once that he paid more attention to Sylvain prattle on about his conquests. What do they have that would help? Their eyes met as it came to both of them - the massage oil. Byleth starts for the bathroom but only gets one leg of the bed before laughing. She removed the vial from where it was hiding in the offending box and kissed Felix with a wide smile. “We’re killing him, right?” He just nodded, not trusting his voice as she pulled the cork out of the vial with her teeth. He bit back the whimper at the cool liquid against the flush heat of his skin, her fingers drenched now, and keened as she gently slid two fingers all the way inside him. He grunted, frowning in pleasure as she drew the fingers back out and eased into a rhythm, scissoring her fingers to prepare him. She watched him intently, memorising every gasp, wince, jaw clench, lip bite and she  _ loved _ the noise and how he writhed beneath her when she added a third finger just to make sure. Felix relaxed his clenched fists to trace the line of his wife’s jaw, tilting her face up towards his. Her fingers and the steady rhythm had pooled the start of his release in his stomach but the  _ stretch _ of a third finger had made his eyes lose focus. One glance into those heavy lidded eyes was all she needed. She recognised those eyes, she’d made them at him often enough. Byleth treated him to one last thrust in, curling her fingers as she pulled them back. He cried out an unintelligible sound and she chuckled, a wicked smile on her face. Although it was swiftly replaced with shock. Felix already had the contents of the box and pushed the harness into her hands.

“Quickly,” he said breathlessly and she let out a needy whine at how wrecked he already sounded.  _ Mistake _ , she thought, as he lost the desperation and the fight crept back into his eyes. It’s a mistake she’d happily continue to make though. She stepped into the harness and made light work of tightening the buckles so it sat in place, deft fingers practised on  _ that _ blasted, infuriating, sexy coat. Felix was looking at the markings on the dildo - runes carved into the flared base - and pressed one. Byleth noted his disappointment when it shrunk in length and  _ saints, _ she needed to fuck him. Good information to have. He tapped another rune and it grew in length. There were more runes to be explored another day.  _ Oh the fun we can have _ . But they needed to get through this first time, so she took the dildo from him and attached it to the harness. More oil from the vial, lazy strokes of the false cock in front of her as Felix watched, mesmerised, and she knew they were ready. He’d been so good for her, not touched himself once, listened to all her instructions, she should really be nice to him. She didn’t  _ need _ to hear him say it, but she had to confirm he still wanted this, and making him say the words would remove any doubt. “Tell me what you want, Felix.”

“You.”

“More specific,” she purred. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

His jaw set and fists balled up against the sheets. The adorable pink tint flushed his face and chest but his eyes were fire and she smiled at him.  _ Goddess, he was beautiful _ .

She wanted specifics? Fine. Fine. He’d give her what she wanted. And make her pay for this another time.  _ Saints above and below he wanted to do wicked things to the woman between his legs. _

“I want you to sink every inch of that girth in me.” She’d made a pained face at his words. Good. “I want you bottom out, wait, let me adjust. Then slowly build up a rhythm as you have your way with me. Make me feel as good as I make you feel. Enjoy it as much as I do. Please.”

When he asked so nicely, how could she refuse? With a hand on his knee for balance, she lined herself up and pushed just the tip in. He buried his face in the sheets but the tight jawline was a giveaway of his pleasure. Torturously slowly, she slid into him a centimetre at a time, allowing him to adjust, until he was taking it all. Felix relaxed around her with the same sigh he reserved for when they were home, and she agreed. This felt...right, somehow. Her hands moved to his hips for purchase as she pulled out almost all the way. His eyes came up to meet hers at the loss but rolled back when she pushed into him again. And again. And again. She kept a steady pace, enjoying how his cock twitched when she was buried in him. Felix was breathing heavily but none of the moans and gasps she craved were falling from his lips and she pouted. “My love?”

“ _ Fuck _ me, By” he said, love clear on his face. “Harder,” he added for good measure. Byleth pitched forwards and melted into him for a second, whimpering, all composure gone. A deep breath saved her as Felix laughed at her. She stole a soft kiss. “Pillow.” He dutifully passed her one and she maneuvered it underneath his hips, giving her much better access, and this time the snap of her hips was faster. He spread his knees and she was able to get deeper. When she arched her back into him she reached something inside and saints below, it felt pleasurable like nothing else he’d ever known. His back arched so sharply he lifted off the bed. He was moaning her name, groaning, occasionally growling as she rocked her hips, thrusting hard and deep and fast into him. She was panting from the effort and Felix saw her skin flush with desire. He was moving beneath her now, writhing, rocking his hips with hers, forcing her deeper, desperate to get her where he needed it, desperate to finish as his orgasm built in his core. Hands left his hips to bring her chest to his and  _ fuck _ . Her hips were just as sinfully good but now he also had the friction of her stomach against his cock. Her tongue swiped over a nipple and it was all too much. Felix bit into the pillow and screamed as he came over her stomach and chest. Byleth just held him, staring dumbfounded at him. His hazy, heavily lidded, unfocused eyes. His mouth as it fell half open. The bleeding lip where his pleasure had been too much. She licked the blood away and kissed him, satisfied. She’d done as he asked. He was well and truly fucked. Briefly she hoped he would still be able to walk - and ride - if his meeting required it.

Felix could barely think. He’d never cum this hard. He was utterly spent. Legs weak, arms jelly, head cloudy spent. And the face she made as he came? Yeah. He understood now. She had a face.  _ The  _ face. No wonder she wanted this for herself. He flopped an arm out to wrap around Byleth as she collapsed against the bed and tucked her face into his chest. His eyes weren’t open when he mumbled “are you okay?”

She chucked at him and cradled his face. “Yes. Although I’m not sure what you’d do about it if I wasn’t.” The noise he made told her he disagreed, he’d be able to do something, but she just wanted to lie with him as he came back down from his high. Everything else could wait until later.

/

They were cuddling on the mattress when they heard the fifth bell. Byleth sighed. “We need to get cleaned up for our meetings. I  _ did _ promise Seteth in exchange for this blissful day with you.” A wistful smile lit up her features.

“No,” Felix said gruffly. Byleth shot him a blank look. “You’re the archbishop, head of the church, right? You’re also an actual goddess. A divine being. I’m the most accomplished swordsman in all of Fodlan -”

“The most accomplished,” she interrupted in a deadpan voice, eyebrow arched in disbelief. He ignored her jab. He’d only really lost because he wanted to show off for her.

“- what are they really going to do to us if we don’t go to the meetings?”

Byleth looked at Felix suspiciously, feeling his head as if he were feverish. “You never suggest leveraging our positions for personal gain. Are you feeling okay?”

“I just want one uninterrupted day with my  _ wife _ . Can’t I have that?” His voice was harsh but his eyes were almost pleading as he looked down at her with reverence, a hand cupping her cheek. Her jaw was set, her eyes steely and determined but her face was soft.

“Yes, but not today. We have to cut that path for ourselves. Which starts with getting up, then washing, putting on clothes and attending these meetings. But it ends with waking up in your arms more often than not, and throwing out that tea. As a divine being and the  _ alleged _ most accomplished swordsman in all of Fodlan, we have to set an example. Duty calls.”

_ Of course she was right, _ he thought. Felix deflated, conceding defeat. He pushed her off the bed, earning a whelp, and strode into their bathroom to clean up. Byleth exercised a lot of self restraint not to follow him and undermine her wise words.

/

Byleth and Felix stole a kiss before setting off to their respective meetings. Her head finally clear enough to think, she chastised herself for not asking Seteth who her meeting was with. She hated feeling unprepared. There was something she was missing too. It had been nagging at her since the sparring session. The answer to a question she’d asked herself, based on an unusual observation, was on the tip of her tongue. But she couldn’t recall the question or the answer. Or the observation to help her remember. Byleth’s hand curled around her chin as it did when she was deep in thought, routine carrying her to the Knight’s Hall as she pondered the mystery she couldn’t remember. 

The hall was empty except for a blonde mountain of a man. Dimitri currently had his back to her.  _ Dedue without Dimitri in the sparring grounds _ . Byleth should have expected the king to be around. She chuckled mirthlessly. “Your Highness. I fear peace and having to fill weeks worth of time with my husband into mere days is dulling my mind.”

“Ah, Professor! Good to see you,” he beamed. “How so?”

“I didn’t anticipate this ambush,” Byleth said bluntly.

“I’d hardly call it that. This is a meeting of friends, is it not? Please, sit and join me for dinner.”

"You weren't at dinner yesterday". It was a statement, not a question. They both picked at the saghert and cream between snippets of conversation. After all they’d done, the pair deserved to eat dessert as a main meal.

"Ah yes, I beg your forgiveness for that. In all honesty, professor, I couldn't stand the guilt. Your time together is already so short, I believed you would not want the intrusion."

Forgetting her place for a minute, she rolled her eyes at him. Did he ever tire of the self deprecation? Knowing he was around, she now felt like his presence had been missed yesterday. Typically, he misunderstood the gesture.

“Professor, I am sympathetic to your situation. It is hard on us all. You are missed. The church demands one of my best warriors to lead and teach. I cannot also lose or spare Felix, the Shield of Faerghus, and those I would need to ensure his safe return to my army.”

“Dima, that’s not what I meant. You were missed at dinner yesterday. Plus, Felix doesn’t need an escort.” She was very sure he’d maim them for even thinking about giving him one.

“You would trust him to ride back to northern Faerghus by himself?” Dimitri laughed heartily, and she begrudgingly joined in.

“No, I wouldn’t. He’d either end up back here or pick a fight with thieves on his way. He'll never admit it, but he needs Sylvain’s lance as much as Sylvain needs his sword.”

“That is Felix.” They were smiling.

“And the problem.” Her tone was solemn.

He held her gaze, an apologetic look in his eye. “Unfortunately so. I cannot march my entire army south, leaving the people undefended, for the two of you to steal moments in the sun. I wish I could, but I cannot. The kingdom must come first.” Byleth felt the familiar pang of guilt.

“And Seteth cannot spare me.”

“You and I both know that is not the reason you are here, Professor.” Somehow the piercing stare was sharper with just the one eye. He paused, bowed his head, then revealed “we must return tomorrow.”

She sighed, choosing to ignore the stab to the gut, and deflected. “How are you finding the castle at Fhirdiad?”

“A little too large without the right presence to fill it,” he said truthfully.

“I understand. No thoughts on a queen yet?” Byleth teased.

“Professor, please!” His face was crimson. “Sylvain and my advisors are on at me enough without you joining them.”

She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “We’re all still young yet. You have plenty of time. If they get to be too much, Dima, let me know. I’ll...deal with it.”

Dimitri was laughing again. “Professor! You sounded exactly like Hubert for a moment there.”

He missed how the name drained the smile from her eyes, seeing only the false one on her face.

/

Felix slipped through the shadows to Seteth’s chambers, old habits dying hard. He found the door to the rooms open. The man was already sitting at the table, tea poured.

“Please close the door behind you, Felix. Join me for tea.”

Somehow being in this room again made him feel 17 again, all raw nerve endings under thick skin. Seteth was a friend, but the tension of topics they must cover was heavy in the air. He took a seat opposite the man who had guided him as a mentor and lifted the cup to smell it.

“Chamomile?” he questioned.

“We have difficult subjects to discuss, Felix. I felt it only prudent to start with a relaxing tea before broaching them.”

Felix scoffed, earning a wry smile from the green haired man. “So what are these ‘difficult subjects’ then?”

“I rather think we should  _ finish _ the tea first.”

So Felix took the initiative and drank the entire cup in three mouthfuls. Seteth chuckled.

“Ah, the impatience of youth. I will be finishing my own tea at a reasonable pace before we graduate to the reason I asked you here. In the meantime, tell me, how are things in northern Faerghus?”

“You have reports for that,” was Felix’s cool reply. Seteth sighed.

“You have always been very perceptive, Felix. Years before the rest of those around him, you saw the impact that the weight of the dead had on Dimitri. You correctly deduced that Jeritza was the Death Knight. You are able to think for yourself. I value these qualities, as I value your opinion. I am asking you, Felix, what you think the state of the kingdom is.”

Amber eyes stared into the distance as he tried to summarise what he’d seen before noticing the map on the table. “Cornelia’s rule was punishing for some. Effects of this are ongoing. Major repair works are still needed here and here,” he indicated on the map. “One poor harvest or colder-than-usual winter and there is the real threat of crime as desperate locals will likely resort to thievery. People are settling into Dimitri’s rule on the whole but there’s the potential for conflict in these areas, where Empire loyalists fled to. Those smart enough to have  _ plausible deniability _ .” He spat the last two words. Everyone knew those lords were traitors, but Dimitri couldn’t deal with them because of their lies. He hated stupid politics. The intricacies of court were beyond him.

“And Sreng? Byleth and I debated your usefulness at those talks in jest, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn from His Majesty that you were instrumental in arranging the temporary ceasefire.”

Felix puffed out his cheeks. “Sreng is...a powderkeg. They know we are unsettled and are determined to reclaim land taken from them by my old man. Our war stories have reached them too. The absence of the Ashen Demon, an acclaimed warrior, was noted.” Seteth nodded, brows furrowed as he sipped at the tea. He and Dimitri had exchanged conflicted letters on what to do with Byleth. He briefly wondered how the king’s current conversation was going.

“There’s more to it than that though. Sreng is a warring nation, power is taken from those who have it. Their Grand Khan is suffering from an old injury. He cannot lead for much longer. Successors are squaring up to each other. Defeating a kingdom army would cement any claim to the clans.” Felix pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought out the possibilities rather than ask Seteth the question he desperately needed answered. “Redrawing the border lines could have worked to resolve the conflict, but with the issue of succession, they don’t want peace. Short of taking the rest of the peninsula, I don’t know what we have to offer warring tribes in a cold desert. Maybe safe passage to Almyra?” He was only half joking. Byleth would probably be able to convince Claude, although with his attitude towards outsiders he might offer. If he wasn’t too upset that they’d been displaced.

Seteth looked uncomfortable as he put down his cup and walked over to remove a vial, matches and bowl from a secret compartment in his desk. Felix leaned forwards, curiosity clear on his face. The older man unstoppered the vial and poured out a few drops of a viscous black water into the bowl, setting it on the table, before returning the vial to its hiding place. The hiss of a struck match preceded a bright yellow light filling the room. The black water burned as ferociously as magic, noxious smoke filling the room. Felix’s eyes stung as he trained them on Seteth, awaiting an explanation. 

“In Imperial Year 1168, King Lambert and your father led a campaign to subjugate the Sreng Peninsula.”

“I know all this. I don’t need a history lesson.”

Seteth sighed patiently, unperturbed by Felix’s cutting tone. “The official story is that King Lambert wanted to settle the Srengi incursions with a show of force the Khan, their military ruler, would respect. Acknowledging Lambert as a superior military leader would mean only those clans outside the Khan’s control would dare skirmish on the Fodlan border. The truth of the matter is that Rhea asked him to take the territories after the discovery of this substance. Called oil by the Srengi clans, it is a valuable asset to them. It can burn even frozen wood.”

Felix sat back in his chair, face solemn. He’d often suspected there was more to the history they were allowed to know but was caught off guard by Seteth confiding in him like this. The man truly did value his opinion. And black water that could burn in even the bitter cold and harsh Srengi tundra...this was a resource he didn’t know how the Srengi had given up.

“Oil has to be dug up from the ground. Sources of it are finite and hard to come by. So when Rhea heard one had been discovered in southern Sreng, she encouraged Lambert to pursue peace by force with the Khan. He believed that was what he was fighting for, but she wanted the lands containing the resource under kingdom control. Deposits sit under Gautier territory now.”

“She was worried it would cause war, so she went to war to control it.” The judgement was clear in Felix’s voice.

“Also that it would embolden those lacking magical abilities to oppose the church. As you are learning, stability is key to preserving life. The intentions were good overall, but I won’t make excuses for past misdeeds.”

“If this is what can bring peace, you must offer it back to them.” Felix was reeling from this new information, but the irony of giving the Srengi resources from the land they stole to secure peace was not lost on him. He needed to pick his battles though, and there was a more important one to be had.

He worked hard to keep his voice even as he asked “How is she? Really?”

Seteth relaxed into his chair, choosing his words. “Better. Each day seems easier. However, I must caution you, easier is a relative term. She shines brightest when you are here, but she still emits a dull glow when you aren’t. It is progress.”

Felix put his head back, eyes closed, as he exhaled. As he so often did, he pondered whether they’d made the right decision by insisting on her spending time at the monastery. Seteth was just so much  _ better _ at helping people through their emotions. He himself was proof of that. The first time Felix had seen the new blank stare on her face, the one with nothing at all behind it, like she wasn’t there, had chilled him colder than any Faerghus winter. The memory of it still haunted him. He’d seen those eyes before. He’d lost someone he cared about to those eyes before. It helped that Seteth had insisted on it being his idea so Felix was free of her anger.

“She needs me. This arrangement is ridiculous.”  _ Did we do the right thing? _ The unsaid words hung in the air.

“I do not doubt that she needs you Felix, but she also needs to be able to stand on her own. You are both so fiercely independent. Since when have either of you been happy relying on another?”

“You know when,” Felix responded with no bite, his head dropped to the floor as he played with his ring absentmindedly. Then he snapped “It was you who told me great things cannot be achieved without allies.”

“So you listened and changed your mind? There is hope yet for us all,” Seteth smiled. He sighed before continuing.

“It is hard to watch those we love suffer and be unable to help. Byleth needs growth to sustain herself in times of grief. It was you, her students, that kept her grounded through losing her father. Devoting herself to your betterment as your professor was the distraction that kept her going. You and the other Lions have come so far. You are grown. There are things you can offer her as you are now, yes, but I doubt there is much either of you don’t know about sparring. Dimitri has counsellors, Dedue has reconciled his heritage with his position, Annette, Mercedes and Ashe are teaching themselves, Ingrid is an accomplished knight and Sylvain is...well...Sylvain. You have all chosen the paths you will walk and do not require  _ Professor _ Byleth’s guidance. As a friend, a companion, that is different. But Professor Byleth is the only one who knows how to let time heal wounds.”

It hurt to hear that he wasn’t enough, but he knew Seteth’s explanation was sound. They had become overly reliant on one another recently too. An enemy could use that against them. Felix looked at the flagstones and a quiet settled in the room. 

“Have I surpassed your expectations?” He asked the older man, his voice low. There was a hint of vulnerability in the shoulders he’d unconsciously squared in preparation for a fight.

“I was concerned you'd walk this world alone and of the damage that path could do to you. Instead, you reached out your hands to reconnect with your friends and even found the most precious of the goddess’ gifts, love. I know the confines of nobility and the church are not ideal for either of you, but you have both risen to these particular challenges. I am proud of you.”

Felix’s throat felt tight. His eyes were definitely not glistening in the firelight. He clenched his jaw and bit his tongue to distract from the weird feeling accompanying the thought that came unbidden to him: Flayn was lucky to have such a good father. He could taste copper in his mouth - he’d bitten too hard as ideas on how things could have been different flooded his mind. He pushed them back into the dark corner he hadn’t let them out of. What ifs were useful to no one.

“I understand you are to leave tomorrow morning. Please do not feel you have to agree, but I would enjoy sharing dinner with you, Felix, if you would indulge me.” He nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and listened to the older man regale him with stories of times long since past.

/

Byleth met Felix’s eyes as she entered their room. They both smiled grimly, legs falling forwards to propel themselves into the other’s arms. He squeezed her into his chest. If he held her tightly enough, the broken pieces would be forced back together. Or they’d take longer to fall apart, giving him more time to return to her. It was a lie he had to tell himself so he could force himself to leave her. They didn’t have enough time. There was never enough time. Exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the last 24 hours, they collapsed onto the cot. He buried his face in her hair, taking deep breaths. Her fingers played with his locks absentmindedly, thumb stroking his cheek. Sleep came easily to both of them.

It was still dark when Felix awoke. The stillness felt oppressive, laden with the bitter promise of his impending departure. It was too soon. He looked down at Byleth. She was peaceful. Unhaunted. The weights of the world far away whilst he could use the shield of his arms to protect her from the dead. He couldn’t bear the idea of leaving her again when she so clearly needed him. But maybe Seteth was right, and the best way for him to help Byleth was to allow her to help herself. She needed her own coping methods, if things got bad with Sreng he wouldn’t be able to drop everything and ride to be with her. He pushed away the thought that he also wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of her hurting in the meantime because of the length of the journey. Felix reached to tuck a loose strand of mint green hair behind her ear and was struck by an idea. He packed his things in preparation for the morning departure - he was unsure of how long this would take - and donned his full clothing, cloak and all. He found the tools he needed in the top drawer of her dresser and sought the cool night air to clear his thoughts, taking care to shut the door quietly.

Byleth was always acutely aware of when Felix left her during their stolen moments together. The click of the door had indeed been quiet but the deep sleep she enjoyed in his presence was dependent on his warmth next to her. She’d begun to stir as he packed but the noise of the door rang loud as a bell to her in a room without him. His furs and layers were missing. She scowled, dressing for the day to come before slipping into the darkness to find him.

Her quiet aura allowed her to approach him undetected. He was bent over the unmarked gravestone.  _ Wrong, _ she thought. Names now adorned the granite. Arnault, Macneary, von Vestra, von Hevring, von Bergliez, Unnamed Soldiers were chipped into the rock. She heard the knocking of the hammer into the chisel as he immortalised those the war and different ideals had taken from them. The church wouldn’t be happy, but maybe she could play the goddess card for this. Byleth reached out to stroke the lines of the crest of Seiros he finished carving into the top left corner, opposite a crest of flames on the right. Felix started, instinct raising the chisel defensively, looking up to see who the hand belonged to. He sighed deeply at the sight of his wife by his side. He passed her the tools and sat back, left arm around his bent leg to prop himself up, right outstretched in front of him to watch as she added the rest. It was slow work to start but Byleth sped up as she got the hang of it. von Varley, von Aegir and finally von Hresvelg found their rightful places on the memorial. The couple’s masonry was far from skilled but the rough hewn indents looked raw in the way Byleth’s emotions about their deaths felt. The imperfections were oddly perfect. She met and held Felix’s eyes, the question clear to him without words. He shook his head. His father was already remembered in Faerghus. She nodded. Deftly wrapping the tools, she placed them in her pocket and sat unceremoniously, resting her face on her husband’s shoulder with a light ache in her chest but clear eyes. He pulled his cloak around them, draping an arm around her waist and held her close.

They sat there in silence, the mere presence of the other more than enough. They welcomed the dawn together and Felix was sure he saw the first smile of that long but still too short night on her features. Her breathing was more even, he realised that she must have fallen asleep at some point as the sky changed from Lion blue through Eagle red to Deer yellow. The morning was still early though. He shuffled awkwardly until he could get a leg underneath him without disturbing her and lifted Byleth into his arms as he stood, her face still peaceful against his shoulder. He carried her back to their rooms, enraptured by his wife. Gently, lovingly, he lay Byleth down in their cot. He kissed her forehead, his voice breaking as he murmured “until the next time.” She’d be disappointed she didn’t get a chance to remove his coat or boots, but this is the one time he’d have to disappoint her. It was her own fucking fault he now understood why duty sometimes called. Despite his annoyance Felix gently felt for her present in his pack and placed it on her bedside dresser. She should see it as soon as she woke up. He fastened the sword that still needed a name to his belt, slung his shield over his back and grabbed his things. Then Felix willed his legs forwards, in the wrong direction, away from his world.

He met the rest of the Faerghus four in the courtyard. Sylvain gripped his shoulder in solidarity, for once not saying something stupid.

“We’ll get you back to her as soon as we can,” he offered, slinging his arm around Felix’s neck. Something was definitely wrong with him because Felix slipped his arm around Sylvain’s side and pulled him in.

“Did you just  _ hug _ me, Fraldarius!?” Sylvain exclaimed, beaming. “Wow. Hang on, I have to commit this to memory. Where’s Ignatz when you need him to immortalise something on canvas?”

Ingrid and Dimitri were laughing as Felix scowled and stormed off to mount his horse. “Fuck yourself, Sylvain.” Sylvain pouted slightly, amused that Felix had cottoned on to the fact that he’d follow any “fuck you” that fell from his mouth with “Gladly”.

Although, Felix had deprived him of their usual banter AND hugged him. Sylvain wondered if there was more to Seteth’s words the day they arrived than he knew. Oh well. Duty called for now, nothing to be done about it. They were needed elsewhere. Everyone mounted up and his eyes searched for that light green hair but couldn’t find it. Sylvain frowned. He’d been sure she’d come to say goodbye to them.  _ What had happened for her not to be saying goodbye to Felix? _ Sylvain worried. He felt bad for teasing his childhood friend.

Her heart dropped when the bed was empty even though she’d known it would be. The room felt a little colder without him in it even though she was still dressed from their late night catharsis. It had left her feeling so much better, like the names and crest shapes in the rock were somehow carrying some of the crushing weight of her guilt, her grief. Or acting as a wave break, offering her a moment of calm in the tumultuous ocean. She pushed herself up, the current weight on her shoulders the lack of Felix beside her. She should have just left him thinking that duty was a filthy word that didn’t hold him like it did his peers. But that was as selfish as he’d been when he’d halfheartedly wished for war because peace was boring. When he’d asked her to take his ring.  _ Please. _ The memory of him saying that word still made her smile. She noticed the red sprig with white berries placed on her dresser and her breath caught. White baneberry, her attendant in Fraldarius territory had remarked when she weaved it into her hair for their wedding. Local legends said it was the promise of a kiss in the future, a sweet reunion. Felix had later informed her they were also highly poisonous, which had heavily factored into his mother’s choice to include them in her own bridal bouquet. Pretty, practical and deadly. Byleth quickly ran her fingers through her hair and pulled it up, lacing the berries through the simple do she’d managed with a small smile. It felt good to have him near, even if all she had was the lingering thought of him. Dimitri’s booming laughter echoed from the courtyard and her head snapped up.  _ They’re still here!? I haven’t missed them? _ Her mind raced. She’d never make it there in time. She wasn’t sure she could let Felix leave if she saw him face to face, either. Or force him to leave her. Options raced through her mind but deep down she knew there was only ever one. She forwent her boots - there was no time - running barefoot up the stairs to the third floor. She threw herself against the door and it gave easily under her will, causing her to stumble forwards onto the balcony from the momentum.

Sylvain twisted in his saddle and threw one last look up at the monastery where they’d once been so young and carefree, nostalgia clear on his face. His timing was perfect apparently, he saw the flash of green somehow catapult itself onto the ledge without falling over the railing. He swore he was the only person who noticed that Byleth could be really clumsy at times. He made to shout for Felix but Ingrid caught his eye, having seen her too, and shook her head.

“Don’t. They’ve already said goodbye. If he turns around now, he’s never leaving.” 

“But - “

“You need someone to watch your idiot back, Sylvain. He’s the only person who’ll bother. Although,” Ingrid mused, “our lives would be much more peaceful without you.”

“Rude,” Sylvain quipped back as Dimitri chuckled, enjoying the normalcy of easy banter. Ingrid was looking up at the balcony again, so Dimitri and Sylvain followed her gaze. Byleth was smiling, her hand raised in a wave. They nodded their goodbyes at her, then turned to face forwards. Dimitri glanced quickly to the side, trying not to intrude. Dedue’s nod told him all he needed to know and he nudged his horse into a trot to catch Felix at the front. “With me,” he called to his friends. Ingrid and Sylvain urged their horses to complete the Faerghus four at the front of the convoy as Dimitri boomed “We ride!” to the troops to begin their long march.

Byleth’s outstretched hands found the balcony railing to prevent herself from falling. She was glad no-one had seen her ungraceful conduct. Or maybe they had. _Fuck._ _Why did Sylvain ALWAYS_ _have the worst timing?_ She shook her head as she gazed down on the army ready to march. She wasn’t surprised to see Ashe’s shock of silver hair bidding goodbye to his friends. Or that he was more over to the side with Dedue than the Faerghus four, the two had bonded over food, cooking and gardening after all. But - _Oh_. Byleth wondered how many of the signs she’d missed as Ashe laced his pale fingers through Dedue’s caramel ones. It felt like a private moment so she turned her attention back to the three who had caused so much trouble back in their academy days. She raised a hand to wave goodbye with a smile that matched her light mood. They nodded at her and prepared to move out. Byleth allowed herself a quick glance to where _he_ was at the front when she said “Get your ass back home, Fraldarius.” As soon as the sound of horseshoes echoed on the cobblestones she returned to her room to grab boots before heading to the entrance hall. Fellow green eyes met hers - she’d hoped to catch him. Byleth and Ashe shared a resigned, understanding smile as their hearts marched north. She snuck an arm through his and leaned in to him conspiratorially as they walked to lead their respective classes. “You’re telling me _everything_ at lunch,” she implored, grateful to have someone she could share the burden of loneliness with. Claude had always advocated sharing your problems with friends, apparently it helped. Ashe nodded and darted into his rowdy classroom with a worried look to diffuse the argument brewing at the front.

Byleth reached her class, looking in with a hand resting on the doorframe. It was full of fresh faced young students chattering away about breakfast, family, home, Lord and Lady Fraldarius sparring, the state of the kingdom, who’d been seen holding hands with who and how  _ handsome _ Margrave Gautier is (she rolled her eyes at that). A smile grew on her face. Felix would be back to her soon enough. In the same way that her lions had kept her going when her father had died, these students needed her to be strong, and that filled her with an emotion she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Massive shout out and thanks to my wonderful betas Vi and Sayl. You helped loads with this one, I take no credit for the idea of Oil being the resource offered back to Sreng. That was the wonderful Sayl.  
> Thanks team!
> 
> And why yes, the title is a reference to the Bullet for my Valentine song.


End file.
